


Fall Apart Today

by wtfoctagon



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Alcohol Mentions, College Setting, F/F, unrequited pining to relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 16:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5424371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtfoctagon/pseuds/wtfoctagon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A prompt that spawned a sequel. Unrequited love Eli has to turn away a drunk Nozomi's advances. The day after is awkward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m hoooome~” Nozomi called out into the dark dorm room as Eli struggled with the light switch, trying not to let Nozomi topple over. 

“Welcome home,” she chuckled quietly as Nozomi slumped over into her embrace, groaning a little as the lights went on and they started shuffling towards the bed.

“Elicchi.”

“Yes?” she asked, managing to sit  Nozomi on her bed like a sack of potatoes.

“I think I had too much to drink,” she whined, pouting up at Eli with big green eyes. 

Eli laughed as she pulled off Nozomi’s socks.

“I think so too.”

Nozomi gasped. “You’re laughing at me,” she whined, ineffectually thumping Eli in the chest with a fist. “Meanie.”

“I’m sorry,” Eli laughed, tugging Nozomi’s jacket from her shoulders. 

“No you’re not,” Nozomi slurred, raising her arms cooperatively as Eli gently yanked her shirt over her head. A pouted that went in came out as a sly grin, and Eli smiled as she waited for whatever was next.

“Ooh, Elicchi is undressing me~” She leaned back on her hands, pushing her chest out. “How scandalous~”

Normally, Nozomi’s teasing never failed to get a choke and a blush out of Eli. Right now, with the clumsy, exaggerated movements and drunk drowsiness clouding Nozomi’s normally sharp eyes and wit, Eli could only snicker and ruffle her best friend’s hair.

Nozomi pouted at that, again. 

“Elicchi doesn’t think I’m sexy.”

Eli rolled her eyes, unbuttoning Nozomi’s skinny jeans.

“Of course I do,” Eli said between grunts of yanking off the tight pants. “You’re the sexiest person I’ve ever met.”

The last part of her sentence trailed off in a bout of wistfulness. Thank goodness Nozomi was too drunk to notice.

Nozomi let out a pitiful grunt as Eli gave one last yank on her jeans, legs coming free. She sprawled on the bed, now only in her underwear, squinting at the lights.

“S’too bright…”

“Hold on.” Eli flicked on the bedside lamp and went for the light switch, smiling when Nozomi hummed happily at the dimmer light. “I’ll get you some fresh pajamas.”

“You’re the best, Elichika,” Nozomi slurred as Eli ducked into their bathroom. She sighed as she shuffled through the pile of clean laundry, wondering when or if they were going to finally get into the habit of folding and putting their clothes away instead of leaving a clean hamper around.

“How bad d’you think my hangover’s gonna be?”

Eli laughed at the muffled question. 

“Devastating.”

A groan. Eli stood up with Nozomi’s favourite shirt and sweatpants, rubbing her eyes as she clicked the bathroom light off. She was getting pretty tired too, though not nearly as drunk as Nozomi.

( _”How are you not wasted? You drank more than me,”_  Nico had complained as Eli held her hair back on the toilet as they waited for Honoka to come pick her up.  _“Russians invented vodka?”_  was the only answer she could come up with.)

Eyes bleary from the rubbing, she didn’t see the warm body waiting for her until Nozomi had her pressed against the bathroom door, half-naked body flush on Eli’s.

Eli choked. “N-Nozomi?”

“Hey, Elicchi,” she whispered onto Eli’s earlobe, nibbling lightly. Eli’s stomach dropped and her knees went weak as she grabbed Nozomi’s shoulders.

“Hey, let’s get you into bed,” she said, voice quivering with effort. Nozomi looked up at her and she could’ve sworn her green eyes were smouldering.

“Kiss me.”

A chill sparked from Eli’s throat, along her skull, then back down her spine and into her knees. Years of unrequited love, nights of dreaming about this moment, the doubt, the tears, the unbridled love for this one girl was all coming to a point-

and she had to say no.

“I can’t,” Eli sighed, pushing at Nozomi’s shoulders. Nozomi shrugged her off and pinned against the door angrily, and Eli tried not to whimper.

“Why not?”

“You’re drunk.”

Nozomi slid her lips along Eli’s neck, sighing heavily. 

“So are you.”

“Not enough. It wouldn’t be right.” Eli shuddered as Nozomi bit down on her jugular. “ _Ah_. Please. Come on.”

Nozomi lightly kissed the teeth marks, pushing her hands down the back of Eli’s jeans. 

“Just once.”

“I can’t.”

Nozomi pulled away and looked up at her, bottom lip quivering slightly, and Eli wanted to scream. Not fair, not fair, it was Eli who wanted to cry right now.

She hugged her best friend as she went limp in her arms, shuffling her back over to the bed. Eli silently dressed a limp but compliant Nozomi, defiantly refusing to look at her dejected expression. 

Nozomi hugged herself and rolled over when Eli was done tugging the shirt over her head, facing the window and burying her face into her pillow. Eli sat beside her, pulling the duvet around her form.

“Nozomi?”

No answer.

“… Toujou-san?”

Stil nothing.

“Non-chan?”

Eli smiled wryly as Nozomi answered her with a soft snore.

“You can act so spoiled sometimes,” she said fondly, running a hand through Nozomi’s hair. 

Nozomi nuzzled Eli’s hand, and the blonde bit her lip to keep it from shaking into a sob. There was a painful fire in her chest, burning up her throat and threatening to leak out of her eyes.

“ _Please_  remember,” she whispered, leaning in and touching her forehead to Nozomi’s hair. “In the morning when you’re sober, please remember. Please ask me again, when I can,” she sniffled.

“I’ll kiss you as many times as you want.”


	2. Don't Forget You Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tough protective Nico.

_“Oh my baby please, don’t forget you love me, don’t forget you love me, today…”_

Nozomi flicks her pen as she looks over her notes again, wet wool pounding in her eye sockets. Music helps her concentrate, but with her day-long hangover, it’s having the adverse effect of giving her sensory overload. 

Well. She should just be thankful it’s not as bad as it could be. Elicchi was such a sweetheart that morning, making her a banana smoothie and filling her water bottle for her before she had to go to class, all cute with her fretting and gesticulating with her long, lamb-like arms.

Nozomi’s gonna have to make it up to her somehow. Maybe take her out to that chocolate cafe that opened up on campus? Eli’s never going to get tired of designer chocolate, and it might be their last chance to go out before midterms hit like a truck.

She drops her pen on the notebook with a sharp thwack and reaches for her water bottle, only to shriek when she sees a dark figure standing in the front entranceway.

“Elicchi!” Nozomi gasps, yanking her headphones off. She can see Eli jump a little in the shadow of the hall, shuffling in sheepish laughter. “Holy- what the  _hell_?”

“Sorry,” Eli laughs, leaning back against the front door. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Nozomi gives a raggedly laugh, holding onto her chest. “Jesus, Elicchi. What are you doing over there, you creep?” she grins, turning her chair to face her roommate. 

Eli shrugs, and Nozomi can see her looking down at her boots. “Sorry. I got in the door and just… lost the energy to undo my shoes, I guess.”

“So you just stood there and watched me?” she says, smiling. 

Eli shrugs again, saying nothing as she just… stands there, cast in the darkness.

“Elicchi?” Nozomi sits up. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s okay,” Eli says, but followed by a sniffle and Nozomi bolts up for the hall light switch.

Eli flinches at the sudden light, hiding her reddened face to the side, hand coming up over her mouth half-heartedly. 

“You’re crying,” Nozomi breathes. She rushes over, cupping Eli’s face and coaxing her to look up as she thumbs the tear trails away. “Elicchi, what’s wrong?” 

Eli grasps Nozomi’s hands and tugs at them lightly, laughing, to no avail. 

“I’m fine, really, don’t worry…”

“You’re a terrible liar,” she says, rubbing Eli’s shoulders. “What happened? Is there anything I can do?”

Eli shakes her head, smiling, laughing, crinkling her puffy eyes, still refusing to make full eye contact. 

“Elicchi,” Nozomi says, brushing blonde hair out of her best friend’s face, hands flittering like worried butterflies. “You can talk to me. I’ll back off if you don’t want to talk about it, just… tell me.”

Eli finally looks up at her from the side of her bangs, blue eyes glittering with a sheen of tears, lip bitten lightly. Nozomi smiles at her as best as she can, with as much affection as she can, squeezing Eli’s arms.

“Do you… remember anything from last night?”

The question makes something drop in Nozomi’s insides.

“Not after my fifth shot,” she tries with a dry laugh. “Why? Did something happen?”

And the thought of something having happened to Eli while she was stupid hammered is, somewhat like a growing chunk of jagged ice in the centre of her chest, pushing at her lungs. She’s supposed to be there for Eli, not swaying while she’s having to deal with- with whatever in the club full of strangers and the dark walk home. 

“You… you asked me to kiss you.”

At first, Nozomi doesn’t catch it, because Eli whispers it into the side of Nozomi’s palm, and she flinches away. 

Oh no, oh no, oh no. She didn’t. She couldn’t have.  The ice chunk in her chest bursts into a million sharp pieces as she lets go of Eli because, oh no, oh no, she’s made a terrible, terrible mistake and Eli’s crying- she’s never looked this upset, this broken, and she just-

“Elicchi.” She doesn’t know what else to say. She doesn’t know what to do except swear in her head that she’ll never lay a hand on Eli ever again, never make her feel this unsafe ever again. “I’m so, so sorry.”

That breaks something in Eli. Nozomi doesn’t understand what, or why, but Eli’s pushing her away with a fresh wave of tears and bolting out the door, handle ramming into Nozomi’s hip, and it’s awful, awful. 

“Elicchi!” she yells down the hall after wrestling past the door, only to see Eli break past Nico’s concerned hug, sprinting down the hall, and she doesn’t know how to make it better.

But she knows she’s never seen Nico look at her like that.

* * *

_“I just don’t know what to do…”  
_

_Nico rubs Eli’s back as she slumps over the smaller girl’s lap, the picture of desolation._

_“If she flirted with you drunk, there’s a chance she might want to flirt with you sober, you know.”  
_

_“But, you know how she is! She’s all. Charisma and flirting. Not that I’d ever think of her badly for it, I just.” Eli gesticulates, elbows on the couch, face contorting into the most dramatic expressions of confusion and hope and pain. “It probably meant nothing to her.”  
_

_Nico sighs._

* * *

It starts pouring. Nico groans and shoots Nozomi another glare before trotting down the stairs. Nozomi follows, their shoes squeaking on the wet stone, hands thrown over their faces to see through the shroud of rain.

They texted everyone, and no one knows where Eli is. Nozomi’s starting to panic a little because, she didn’t mean to, she didn’t mean to upset Eli that much and she’s ruined everything and she’s going to lose Eli no matter what but she just needs to know that she’s  _safe_ - 

It’s not fair. Not fair, how could she have been so stupid, when drunk, how could one mistake be taking away the one person she loves more than anything in this world?

Nico stops to look at her phone, angrily wiping the rain from the screen with her sleeve.

“Erena says she’s not in the east quad either,” she snaps, pocketing her phone. “She has to be here somewhere, then.”

Somewhat of a relief, and Nozomi bites back her panicked protests: what if they missed a corner, can’t they search again. She can’t ask her friends to keep running through the pouring rain to fix her mistake, but picturing Eli somewhere in the evening chill, soaked to her bone, shivering, is pushing Nozomi to the verge of losing her mind. 

She pushes her wet hair out of her face with her wet sweater sleeves, spitting some rain out of her mouth. Nico marches on ahead, little feet stomping on the wet cement. 

“Hurry the hell up. She’s going to get fucking pneumonia or something, you know how fragile she is when she’s upset,” Nico hisses back at her, and Nozomi knows its her fault, but it doesn’t make it any better.

They half-jog through the alley together, hastily looking around the corners, and Nozomi struggles to keep up with Nico until she’s had enough.

“Okay, you know what?” She grabs Nico’s wrist and spins her around to a stop. “What the hell is your problem?”

Nico’s had enough too, apparently. She pushes into Nozomi’s space, delicate face twisting into a snarl.

“What the hell is  _my_  problem? My _problem_  is that my best friend is out there, alone, probably getting really sick, because of you and your stupid mistakes!”

She probably should just take it. Nico’s right, after all, but she’s upset and riled up with anxiety and she’s beating herself up enough for everyone’s worth.

“I was drunk, okay? It doesn’t make it better but I’m trying to fix it!” She yells back, towering over the girl, but Nico doesn’t back down.

“And what a  _damn_  good job you’re doing, Nozomi, I applaud you,” she scoffs.

“I didn’t mean to hurt her!”

“Sure you didn’t.”

That hits like a hammer.

“What the  _hell_  does that mean?”

“You think I don’t see it? As soon as we graduated high school, you’ve been flirting with everyone you see even though you  _knew_  Eli’s in love with you, and now this-”

“I- what?”

Nico snarls again, and Nozomi can’t tell if she’s red and teary from the rain or not.

“All because  _you_  loved the attention! You can’t help but act like a sl-”

Nozomi’s never slapped a anyone before. She didn’t mean to, not that hard, but Nico’s head whips to the side, small frame pivoting to a stop at the impact. 

Nozomi’s hand stings, probably almost as much as the red bleeding into the pale skin of Nico’s face. 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t- I shouldn’t have-” her hands come up hesitantly around Nico, only to be waved off.

“I shouldn’t have said that either. It really wasn’t okay.” She looks up at Nozomi, red eyes softer now, sad. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

They stand there, eyes unable to find each other, rain pelting them down as the grey sky gets even colder. 

“Wait.” Nico perks up, “I think I hear her.”

Nozomi follows her around a corner, and sure enough, Eli’s sitting on the ground against the wall, arms curled around herself, sniffling into her soaked blazer. 

“Elicchi.” Nozomi breathes. “Elicchi!”

Eli looks up at the shout and the rapid footslaps, scrambling to her feet, scraping her palms on the wet concrete.

“N-Nozomi,” she chatters, shivering even as Nozomi peels off her sweater to drape it around her shoulders. “What- how-”

“Come on, we’ll talk when we get you inside,” Nozomi says, voice curled tight in relieved tears. “I’m sorry, Elicchi, I’m so sorry.”

* * *

“Thanks again for the help.”

“Don’t worry. I’m gonna go dry off now. Take care of her.”

“I will.”

Wet hugs are unpleasant, but Nozomi relishes the one Nico squeezes her into, lifting the small girl off her feet for good measure. She closes the door behind her softly as Nico goes back to her own room, padding into the light and where Eli is bundled up in the duvet in some dry pajamas. 

“You look warm,” Nozomi opens, trying a soft smile as she stands in the hallway.

Eli peeks up at her under half-damp bangs, slightly pink skin cast in the yellow light of the bedside lamp and it’s so cute and Nozomi feels like crying all over again. 

“Yeah,” Eli chuckles. “Your clothes are wet again.”

“This?” Nozomi laughs down at the front of her own pajamas, where the wet Nico-print is. “I think I’ll be fine. What matters is that you’re safe.”

Eli shrinks into the duvet. “I’m sorry for running out like that.”

Nozomi smiles wryly. “It’s fine if you needed space, but you could’ve taken an umbrella.”

The joke doesn’t land. Eli wipes at her eyes, sniffling again.

“I’m- I’m really sorry, it was overdramatic and I didn’t mean to make you so worried, I just-”

She looks up as Nozomi slides onto the bed next to her, gently grasping her hands. 

“I’m sorry I’ve hurt you so much. I didn’t ever mean to.” Nozomi runs her thumbs over Eli’s palms. “You are…  _So_  important to me.”

“I know. I know, it’s not your fault, you can’t help the way you feel, and-” 

“No.” She squeezes Eli’s hands to keep those fluttering blue eyes on hers. “You don’t understand, Elicchi, I’m…”

She takes a deep breath and raises one of Eli’s hands to her cheek, leaning into it firmly. 

“When you told me what happened, I panicked because I thought I’d made you feel unsafe, not because I regretted it.” Nozomi paused. “Well. I mean, I do regret it because I’m sure it made you uncomfortable, but- you- you get what I mean.” 

Her laugh dies a bit when she looks back at Eli, and the the blonde is just gazing at her, looking so small, mouth lightly open, blue eyes intent, disbelieving, beautiful. A wet strand falls into her face again and Nozomi lightly brushes it behind her ear.

“I’ve always been in love with you,” she sighs, because she’s said it, finally, somehow. “I never said it because you never seemed interested in anyone, least of all me. I never…” 

She frowns and licks her lips a bit, because she’s not entirely sure how to continue with her confession, her apology- part of her isn’t entirely convinced that Nico was telling the truth, and that Eli, her unrequited love of four years does really love her back. 

But Eli squeezes her hands and leans forward, lips pressing down her feelings and eyes creased with so much feeling, and Nozomi realizes how stupid she’s been.

“Do you mean it?” Eli says in a cracking whisper, bottom lip shaking, shoulders shaking as they ready themselves to heave, and she holds Nozomi’s face with both hands. “Do you really mean it?”

Nozomi nods, beaming as her bangs bounce, and Eli clenches her eyes shut as she grimace-smiles in a small sob, leaning their foreheads together. 

Nozomi sees her leaning in for a kiss and gently stops her.

“I can’t,” she says to a Eli that almost looks heartbroken all over again. 

“Why?” Eli says, taking her hands back before they’re intercepted by Nozomi’s.

“Same reason you couldn’t.”

Eli looks down at their intertwined fingers. 

“So you  _do_  remember.”

“Only a little, and only because Nico told me what happened,” Nozomi sighs.

“I’m not drunk,” Eli says, with a bit of a raggedly laugh. 

“You’re upset.”

“Which is the same thing, I’m sure,” Eli says with the first real smile she’s shown in several hours now, and Nozomi flicks her forehead with a matching grin.

“I don’t want there to be any doubts,” Nozomi confesses, sitting fully on the bed to scooch closer and lay her hands on Eli’s waist. “I know how you are, you can hardly believe me right now,” she says, laughing as Eli pouts a bit at that. “I don’t want there to be any reason you might think I kissed you because I felt sorry for you, or because I felt pressured.”

“I wouldn’t…” Eli protests, trailing off because she knows its true even as she tries.

Nozomi leans their foreheads together again, smiling. 

“I love you,” she whispers, something in her heart unknotting with every time she says it, with the thought that she’s free to say it, now and forever. “I want our first kiss to be perfect.”

“It’ll be perfect as long as it’s with you,” Eli whispers back, and there’s a beat of silence before Nozomi snorts, and Eli pushes her lightly in indignance.

“I can’t believe you’re laughing at me right now.”

“I’m sorry,” Nozomi coos, reclaiming her hold on Eli’s waist. “It was just so sweet and cheesy, I couldn’t help it.”

“Hmph.” Eli wraps her arm around Nozomi’s neck and pulls her down on the bed in retaliation, snaking her legs around Nozomi’s as they settle into the bed together. Nozomi flinches at her cold toes, laughing as she draws the duvet over them.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” Nozomi smiles, running a hand up and down Eli’s side. 

“Will you kiss me tomorrow?”

Nozomi nods vigorously.

“When?”

“During our date,” Nozomi says, smiling as Eli’s eyes blink drowsily. “I’m going to take you to the botanical gardens, then to your favourite restaurant, and then the planetarium. Do you remember the one where you told me you loved me for the first time?”

Eli nods with half-closed eyes. “I was really embarrassed…”

“Yeah,” Nozomi grins. “You were insecure about the freckles on your knees, and I told you I loved your knees. And then you told me you loved me. Little did you know,” she whispers, touching their noses together as Eli’s eyes fall shut. “I always stare at your legs when you’re wearing skirts.”

“Mmn. Pervert. Get to the kissing part,” Eli mumbles, and Nozomi laughs.

“I’m gonna make sure we get the seats we had. And then, when the show starts, we’re gonna pick a star to be our star…”

“Cheesy.”

“Sshh. And then I’m going to lean over and kiss you. It’ll be picture perfect.”

Eli snuggles closer to Nozomi, burying her face in the hollow of her shoulder. 

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Don’t forget,” Eli mumbles, breathing slow. 

Nozomi kisses her on her blonde hair and holds her close, sighing. 

“I won’t, Elicchi, I won’t.”

* * *

_Oh my baby, sweet baby, don’t forget you love me, oh._

In the morning, they wake each other to hushed giggles and soft caresses, picture perfect be damned.


End file.
